My Choice: Love or Fear
Shared by Laurie
My Mom is a recent widow – her husband passed away last October. My Mom is doing pretty well. She is 84 and I am 63, and we’re still not taking any pharmaceuticals, which makes us happy as we enjoy vibrant health.
However, the outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic has posed a challenge to my regular visits with my Mom. My sister and her husband are living with my Mom. My sister has autoimmune diabetes 1 (LADA). Following the local city and county recommendations, and doing research online regarding the coronavirus, she learned her autoimmune condition makes her at risk.
My sister recently suggested I no longer come over to visit with them or my Mom until the virus situation is over. This suggestion put my Mom in a difficult position, but she understood my sister’s fear, and reluctantly agreed to call me to relay my visit restrictions.
Their request threw my ego into a tizzy. I felt like I was being banned from visiting my family. I have held on to negative thoughts that festered in my mind for several days.
The thoughts were becoming unbearable, my ego wanted to run amok.
My frustration built up. I reasoned that yes, we should be prudent and take the recommended precautions in dealing with the pandemic. However, my sister’s preachy and extreme reaction to the social distancing recommendations really irritated me. We are family members after all!
I felt like my sister had no consideration for the impact on my relationship with my Mom. Basically, I thought to myself, I’m not able to see my Mom (for whoever knows how long) because of my sister’s fears!
I pulled out my phone and wrote a text to my Mom. I complained that I missed her, but it’s all my sister’s fault!
But, I paused before sending the text!
There was another feeling welling up inside me.
I decided to ask what is it, what is this thought that’s trying to grab my attention?
In that moment, I remembered my daily Workbook lesson from A Course in Miracles, Lesson 183, “I call upon God’s Name and on my own.”
Thank God for my daily practice of the Course!
Immediately I deleted the bitter text message, though I noticed some faint feeling of resistance. But, remembering my purpose was a stronger pull.
Then I did something out of character. I never talk out loud to myself, but I did so now because I found I was so passionate about this change of heart I was experiencing. Simply, I said aloud, “Jesus, please help me!!!”
INSTANTLY, I typed a 3-word text with a heart to my Mom:
“I miss you ♥”
And whoa, it was then that I experienced the reciprocal Gift of Love 💗.
My Mom replied quickly with a text saying:
“I miss you more.”
In a subsequent message, my Mom said she wants to meet me to go for a walk, and we will keep the recommended distance as we walk along.
We agreed tomorrow is a good day to go on a walk together🌷👭🌴.
After our text exchange, there was still part of my mind, the ego, that felt completely vulnerable and raw. Yet, in my heart of hearts, I knew that I had done the right thing.
😜 Can you just imagine if I would have let my ego run amok?
Attacking, blaming, and complaining, and falling into the victimhood of the circumstances?
😂😜 It WAS such an ingrained habit for me to want to be RIGHT 😡.
💗 I trusted in Love, and allowed myself the desire for only Love.
One of my regular mantras is “Love brings everything to its natural state!” It’s nice to say, but I wasn’t walking the talk.
So now I need to turn to the other piece of this situation, my attitude toward my sister’s fears. Am I willing to offer my sister love? Am I willing to have Jesus help me to see only love in her? For in truth, the love in her is all there is. And by forgiving her, I will be forgiving myself, for we are all one Self!
I will not let the pandemic strengthen my ego’s belief in separation from others. I want to live love, enthusiastically, living in Love‼ I must:
I feel wonderfully Wholehearted as I remember hourly to call upon God’s Name and on my own.